Tag Routine

The holidays are filled with countless magical moments. Throughout November and December, opportunities abound to connect with family, friends, and loved ones. But between the prep, presents, and playing host for two months straight, our efforts to stay balanced and aligned often fall by the wayside. Our answer? Prioritizing the “pause” in those moments between all the hectic, hurried tasks that demand so much of our time.

During this season when we often default to a fast-paced flow, slowing down and savoring that space between the busyness is the ultimate opportunity to recharge and and restore. And sure, we may have our morning routines on lock, but I’d argue that a nighttime wind-down is just as important—if not even more so.

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A Relaxing and Restorative Holiday Nighttime Routine

We teamed up with Haven Well Within to help you curate a holiday nighttime routine that supports you best. This year, rather than gritting our way through a packed to-do list, we’re all about slowing down and embracing the calm. Because a joy-filled season is built on the small, but nourishing rituals that allow us to cultivate our inner peace amidst the busyness of it all.

But as we all know well, self-care routines can quickly become an over-the-top affair. (12-step skincare, an overwhelming gratitude practice—you get the gist.) In the spirit of simplifying, I’m sharing my holiday nighttime routine. My hope is that it inspires you to step away from your screens and embrace this truth: the holidays get to look and feel however you want. With that intention in mind, let’s dive in to the evening habits that keep me feeling grounded and calm throughout the holiday season.

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Take a Gratitude Walk

Think of this like the calm and serene older sister of the Hot Girl Walk. Sure, I love feeling inspired by a podcast or energized by music, but sometimes, a walk serves the purpose of helping me get quiet with myself and taking in the environment around me.

This is the perfect way to begin my holiday nighttime routine, as it helps me transition from a hectic workday to a restful evening. By taking a walk outside, you signify to your mind and body that you’re stepping into a new part of your day. As you walk, reflect on what may have filled your day with gratitude. Perhaps it’s your co-worker who always makes you laugh, or a particularly delicious lunch your partner prepped. Maybe it’s your ability to take this walk at all, and the beautiful moment you get to soak up.

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Cozy Up Your Wardrobe

When the temps drop, I want to be wrapped up in the softest, coziest pieces possible. (Of course, that means all my favorite Haven Well Within picks.) This is true all throughout the day, but there’s nothing comfier than slipping into elevated sweats and socks that fit my chill vibe. And when cozy is the direction, we all know that can quickly turn into a college tee and leggings-we’ve-had-too-long ensemble.

My approach to loungewear is keeping the fit flattering and tailored while opting for materials like organic cotton and cashmere to ensure it stays as comfy as possible. To emphasize elegance, monochromatic looks are always an easy yes.

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Light a Calming Fragrance

Candles are key in my holiday nighttime routine. I love those that evoke the scents of the season—vetiver, cedar, fir, and anything pine. And while I can appreciate vanilla, the fragrance can often lean too sweet and saccharine. I like to lean into candles that emphasize the natural turn of the season, and this Ember Candle does exactly that. There’s also something so wonderfully ritualistic about lighting a candle before cozying up in bed with a cup of tea. For ambiance, a go-to candle is always a must.

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Wrap One Present

Gift wrapping can often be a source of stress during the holiday season. (Especially when you have a pile of presents to wrap up on Christmas Eve.) This year, I encourage you to take it one gift at a time—and to make the process as joyful as possible. Get your holiday gifting done early, and gather wrapping paper that makes you feel inspired and excited to bundle up every present. Light your candle, pour a little tea, and set the scene with a little holiday music. With only one present to wrap each night, it’ll be a relaxing and restorative part of your holiday nighttime routine.

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Soak in a Hot Bath

I’m a bath-taker—simple as that. For me, showers serve a functional purpose, but baths are a blissful ritual and an opportunity for self-care. While an everything shower keeps my hair clean and legs smooth, baths are more of a moment to soothe my soul. Again, candles are a must, and bath salts that blend CBD with magnesium and lavender are my secret to experiencing full-body relaxation. Sometimes, I’ll bring my current read in with me. But I also love simply soaking away and enjoying this moment of relaxation and calm.

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Nourish Your Skin, Head to Toe

Let’s get real: is there anything better than slipping into clean sheets after moisturizing every inch of skin? It’s not only one of my favorite parts of my holiday nighttime routine, but something I look forward to each day. After exfoliating and/or dry brushing, I replenish my skin by pairing a soothing body oil with an effective moisturizer. Particularly during the winter, when our skin is prone to dryness, lathering on the lotion and prioritizing products that offer deep hydration is a must. Nourishing ingredients like those featured in Vertly’s California Bloom Body Oil (hi—calendula flower, chamomile, sweet almond oil, and olive squalane), keep my skin happy all throughout the day. That’s the power of a restorative nighttime routine.

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Make Bedtime a Ritual

A calming, soul-nourishing one at that. All throughout your holiday nighttime routine, the goal is to help you transition from the frenzied busyness of your workday to a serene state before falling asleep. When my insomnia was particularly bad, I made the mistake of watching a cortisol-boosting movie before getting into bed. Not ideal. Nowadays, I protect my bedtime at all costs, ensuring all screens are off well before my bedtime—usually an hour before falling asleep.

After I put on my pajamas and lit my bedside candle (I’m sure you can sense a pattern here… ) I love getting cozy with a book. And though I love a good, fast-paced narrative, I tend to reserve my evening reading for self-help books only. That way, I feel inspired, but I’m not caught up in an action-packed plot. And while reading may not happen every night, I’m adamant about jotting down my thoughts and reflecting on the day in my guided journal. Though I’ve committed to a journaling ritual for years, I’ve found that the Five-Minute Journal is an easy, accessible way to fall in love with the practice.

From there, I put on a silk eye mask—one that both blocks out light and provides a nice weight on my face. My silk pillowcases are also a nice touch of luxury that keeps my hair frizz-free and any wrinkles at bay. Trust me, they’re worth the hype.

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Final Thoughts

A holiday nighttime routine should focus on quiet and simplicity. While we’re all for dropping the rules when it comes to celebrating this special time of year, we also acknowledge that carving out space to slow down and savor these treasured moments is so important. And yes, that applies to the parties with friends and evenings at the dinner table with family, but it also calls you to prioritize the time you spend alone. Remember: during this busy season when we give so much to others, know there’s importance—and really, a need—to connect with yourself.

My sister introduced me to the concept. “We have a weekly marriage meeting every Sunday night,” she shared, “just to check in with each other and get on the same page.” Immediately intrigued, I asked her to send me her agenda and announced to my husband that our first official marriage meeting would occur this Sunday evening, don’t be late. He raised his eyebrows in (to my surprise) curious interest. “Sure. Sounds good,” he said. 

Later that week, we sat down at the dining table. I pulled up the questions and we got to talking. He was totally game and the further we got into it, the more we realized what we’d been missing. We talk all the time, but this was different. There was an intention behind it. A framework that lent itself to meaningful conversations across subjects—from who would take the kids to the dentist that week to why I felt fully overwhelmed by 5 p.m. every day.

Featured image from our interview with Claire Zinnecker.

These meetings began to breathe life into our relationship and set us up for a week where we were on the same page logistically and emotionally.

As the weeks went on, we continued to keep our standing meeting. Oftentimes, moving to the couch or the front porch, we took on a cadence that allowed us to look one another in the eye, listen fully, and be heard. These meetings began to breathe life into our relationship and set us up for a week where we were on the same page logistically and emotionally. As partners, teammates, parents, and lovers. It’s been the linchpin to a thriving relationship and, by proxy, a healthy family dynamic.

Don’t get me wrong. This weekly marriage meeting doesn’t mean we never fight or we suddenly have a “perfect” relationship, whatever that is. We’ve even skipped a few Sundays lately in exchange for bingeing Netflix. And that doesn’t mean we’ve failed in some way. The point of the meeting is conditioning your connection—and recognizing when it’s time to dive back in.

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What are marriage meetings?

A marriage meeting is a regular, intentional time set aside to pause and connect with your partner. It’s a moment to fill up and encourage one another as you journey onwards in your lifelong commitment to a relationship that’s healthy, romantic, meaningful, and full of joy. And when your mental load feels like it’s reached peak capacity, a marriage meeting is how you create space. 

Putting intention behind noticing your partner’s actions during the week is a breeding ground for romance.

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The Benefits of a Weekly Marriage Meeting

I could write pages on the benefits of implementing a regular time to check in with your partner, but let’s stick with the high level. 

1. It enhances intimacy on all levels. The beauty of relationships is that we’re always growing and evolving, so there’s always something new to learn. Weekly check-ins are an opportunity to connect on intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and even physical levels. It’s also a time to communicate about logistics. Because listen. If you have kids, then you know how quickly those romantic date-night conversations take a swift turn to children and general life management. The marriage meeting creates a space for these topics so you can table them for a specific time and place. 
2. It lets you get ahead of potential conflicts. Regular meetings allow you to get on the same page and set expectations for the week. It also provides an opportunity to discuss unresolved conflicts or those things you keep meaning to mention.
3. It keeps the romance alive. Our weekly communication is the enemy of complacency and helps avoid the “roommate syndrome” that can often creep in while you’re not looking. Trust me when I say, a marriage meeting lends itself to intimacy on all levels.

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How to Hold a Marriage Meeting: The Nitty-Gritty

• Schedule It Weekly. Put a day and time on your calendar and honor it. Make it a habit.
• Sit Together. Choose a comfortable spot on the couch or at the table and sit next to each other.
• Limit distractions. Turn your notifications and the television off. If you have kids, hold the meeting while they’re napping or in bed for the night.
• Bring your tools. Make sure you have access to any calendars or organizational apps you use. Feel free to grab some pen and paper (or just use your Notes app) if you want to jot down anything to remember.
• Keep it short. A short meeting makes for an easy weekly commitment. But, full disclosure? My husband and I hardly ever adhere to this. Nearly every time we start a meeting with, “Let’s do this fast so we can watch Netflix before bed,” we end up chatting way beyond 30 minutes. Sometimes because we need to. Sometimes because we want to. And oftentimes, because we recognize the sudden urge to skip Netflix and head to bed for other reasons…

And Remember…

Above all, this meeting should never feel like a chore. And if it does, I challenge you and/or your partner to re-frame it. This is what you vowed to do. This is nurturing the relationship just like you promised you would. The key? Make it fun and carry equal ownership.

Know that it’s normal for one partner to take the reigns in the beginning, but try to give equal time for discussion as you go through the agenda. Eventually, you’ll both learn to look forward to this time as you find it instrumental to your relationship. Perhaps even fun?

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The Agenda: Marriage Meeting Questions

My recommendation is that you grab a few questions from the list below and create a personalized agenda based on your own needs, with the addition of 2-3 questions that might stand out as challenging or not totally applicable. The reason? You never know which question could open up a whole new level for your relationship. 

I keep a note on my phone with discussion points and questions to ask each other each week. Over time, this note has evolved as we’ve removed some questions and added others. It’s a living document that ebbs and flows with the seasons of our relationship. Sometimes I’ll drop notes with our answers, particularly if we’re trying to reach a certain goal, either together or in our individual lives and careers. It gives us a place to check in the following week and keep each other accountable. 

But for the most part, we just open the floor and talk.

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1. Start With Gratitude 

Begin by setting a positive environment. We all know there is power when your mind shifts to gratitude. And when you place all that mental energy toward your partner? It’s kind of monumental.

Take turns expressing specific appreciation from the week prior

Acknowledge any moments in the last week you felt particularly grateful for something your partner did. A few examples:

• Thanks for making lunches for the kids at night so our morning wasn’t as rushed.
• I really appreciated how you called to sort out that bill because you knew I was stressed.
• It was so sweet of you to pick up my favorite drink on the way home.

As you get used to this practice, you can jot things down on your phone throughout the week. 

Bonus! Putting intention behind noticing your partner’s actions during the week is a breeding ground for romance. When you put the focus on what they do rather than what they don’t do (which is arguably the default), it creates more connection and affection for the other. It also encourages you to seek out ways to do the same in return—the healthiest of spirals.

Give a compliment

Who doesn’t love a physical compliment? “Your bedhead was so freakin’ cute this morning” or, “The way you wore that dress…” Again, the list goes on. Another bonus? The more you put this intentional attention toward your partner, the more attractive they become. It’s science. 

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2. Talk Logistics

Once you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy, move on to the to-do’s, appointments, and expectations for the week. Try to keep it short and high-level. Otherwise, it can quickly take over the whole marriage meeting. (And if a certain topic brings up conflict, table it for later.)

• What does your schedule look like this week? Compare calendars. Are there any appointments scheduled or that need to be scheduled? (Take this time to review any school due dates or activities for kids, as well.)
• Do we need to divvy up duties in any way? From school pick-ups to household appointments, who does what?
• What are your top three work priorities for the coming week? It’s valuable to discuss goals at work or at home with your partner. It gives both of you an idea as to what you’re walking into this week and hoping to achieve. You could also swap in a question about a specific goal you know the other is working toward—or something you’re working on together.
• Check in on your finances. How are your goals coming along? Any areas you need to address?

3. Plan Ahead

Building a life together should be fun! And life is always more fun when you have happy things to look forward to. It’s easy to talk about it, so here is where you dig into the doing. Use this time to intentionally build fun and play into your life.

• Plan dates. Do you have a weekly date cadence? Schedule it. This is also a good time to plan individual hangouts with your kids.
• Schedule personal rest days. My husband and I each get one quarterly rest day to do anything we want to do aaaaall by ourselves. The goal is guilt-free rest and freedom to do the things that make you feel like you. It’s a critical time to refuel and to show each other support in your own individual interests. If you have a hard time with the concept of giving yourself or your partner a full day off, zoom out. Is there a reason you can’t put aside four days out of 365 for yourself? Trust me, doing so will benefit both yourself and those you love.
• Schedule fun stuff. This is anything that doesn’t fit into the above categories: family activities, vacations, time with friends, etc.

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4. Address Challenges and Connect

Finally, it’s time to get aligned across the board. Think of this as a problem-solving space, a moment to discuss challenges or areas that need the most attention and care. My advice: Tread lightly at first. Tackle small problems and issues that you know can be resolved. It’s almost like strengthening a muscle—one that’s committed to listening with an intent to understand.

• Is there any unresolved conflict or things left unsaid that need to be discussed? Let this be a safe space to talk where you’re both resolved to solve a problem. 
• Check in on your kids. Are there any behavior issues to discuss? How about disciplinary issues? How can you support them?
• Check in on your spiritual life. This question can be interpreted in a number of ways and open up some surprising conversations.
• How can I help/serve/encourage you this week? As mentioned above, this question speaks to any areas of your life where you’re feeling overwhelmed and can use some extra support.
• Check in on your sex life. It’s vital to be open and upfront about intimacy, but it can be hard to find the right time to bring it up. Discussing your sex life in a standing weekly meeting creates freedom and space for the conversation to evolve—and you might just be surprised to hear what your partner brings to the table. You may also be surprised to find that once you get to this part of the meeting, you’re both primed for connection on a “little less conversation, a little more action” level.
• Close it out. This final part can be especially unique to the two of you. It could be a promise you make to one another this week. Perhaps it’s three things you want to focus on. It could be that you pray together or set a specific intention together. A ceremonial “closing of the meeting” allows you to get out of meeting mode before you… 
• Show some affection. Have you heard about the benefits of a 20-second hug?! According to psychologists, just 20 seconds of hugging can trigger the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin and decrease stress levels (aka, cortisol). Try it—you’ll literally feel your body relax the closer you get to 20 seconds. You could also high-five. Or kiss. Or take it to the bedroom. Whatever you choose, create space for physical connection—you’ll be happy you did.

This post was originally published on June 16, 2022, and has since been updated

It’s a truth I’ll acknowledge loud and proud: I am nothing without a routine. My morning routine helps me transition into the day. With journaling, a walk, and an energizing breakfast in place, I can step into my work tasks with ease. At night, I dismiss my to-do list and quiet my mind and body for a restful snooze. But my work from home routine? Well, that’s proven to be a bit more of a challenge.

Like many, when March 2020 hit, I was expecting only a brief break from the office. I wasn’t anticipating remote work to become my new way of life. While I love the privilege of a 10-second commute and more flexibility to incorporate healthy habits into my day, finding a work-life balance has become all the more elusive. And as a result, creating a work from home routine that keeps distractions at bay is all the more important.

Featured image by Michelle Nash.

Work From Home Tips to Boost Productivity

Over the past few years, it’s taken a lot of learning, patience, and flexibility to arrive at a work from home routine that feels stable and secure. And though everyone’s situations differ, and our at-home workplace might boast a different décor, I’ve discovered a few widely-applicable work from home tips that I’m confident anyone can weave into their daily routine.

The following guidance is intended to help you increase time management and design a work schedule that supports you best. While it may be tempting to stay in your pajamas all day and knock out a few emails from the comfort of your couch, I’m here to advise: don’t. Expect to boost alertness, motivation, and productivity with habits that let you take on your daily schedule with grace, energy, and an appetite for uninterrupted focus and flow.

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Ideas to Add to Your Work From Home Routine

1. Identify the Top Three Things You Need to Accomplish

As someone who’s trying to release her perfectionist tendencies and let go of the need to people please, the idea of not checking off everything from my to-do list came with a little added anxiety. But approaching my day with unrealistic expectations only set me up for failure. Staring down a 28-point task list where everything feels like a priority is a foolproof recipe for stress combined with an unproductive outcome.

It may sound counterintuitive, but the more intentionality you bring to your to-do list, the more effective you are as an employee. These days, my master to-do list may reach far and wide, but I keep things focused by numbering the top three things that have to get done and can get done. In fact, this is a habit I’ve started doing at the end of my work day. In my planner, I take stock of what was accomplished today and what needs to be prioritized tomorrow. This way, I have a clear idea of where things left off and can tackle those immediately.

2. Knock Out a Few Easy Wins

This tip falls in tandem with the first. After identifying the three things I have to accomplish the next day, I always like to throw in a few tasks I know I can complete in 30 minutes or less that I’ll do for an extra boost of confidence. While I’ve always been told to knock out the hard stuff first, I find that jumping straight into something that I won’t see the finish line of for a few hours can feel like a slog. What’s more, it slows down my pace.

By taking on a few easy wins and knocking them out alongside the harder stuff, you get that positive reinforcement that can keep things rolling until *poof* your to-dos are complete.

3. Practice Taking Actual Breaks

I don’t know about your relationship with work, but I definitely used to have a problem with taking breaks. I’d feel guilty for getting a little fresh air or sitting down to lunch without my computer nearby. And if my Slack messages chimed without the sender receiving an immediate response, you can bet my anxiety signals were sounding off.

PSA: We’re not robots. We’re humans with an energy and output threshold that needs replenishing throughout the day. Ever notice how the longer you sit in your chair, the less you feel your own butt? Yep, your brain’s falling asleep, too.

Effective, inspired work isn’t only the result of diligence, but stepping away every so often. Just as life doesn’t exist in a vacuum, neither does our productivity.

My work thrives when I break for a walk outside or stop for a conversation with my partner. To make sure this happens on the reg (and that you don’t go several hours without looking up for lunch), build in a few regular breaks throughout the day. An easy way to structure this is with mid-morning, lunchtime, and afternoon pauses. And your Apple Watch is telling the truth—it’s important to get up and step away from your desk at least once every hour.

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4. Prep Your Meals in Advance

I’m a fan of making as few decisions as possible during my workday. (And OK, every day). Decision fatigue is real, y’all, and the more choices we subject ourselves to, the more difficult it becomes to choose what serves us best.

Enter: meal prepping. There’s a certain joy and comfort that comes with knowing your fridge is fully stocked with all the components for healthy, satiating meals. I make a few jars of overnight oats for an easy grab-and-go morning meal, and I love roasting veggies and cooking grains in advance for endlessly customizable lunch bowls.

Take some time on the weekend to plan out meals for the week ahead and do your grocery shopping in advance. (Be sure to avoid the Sunday rush.) And I can’t emphasize it enough: Step away from your computer when lunchtime hits.

5. Design an Inspiring Workspace

I’m grateful to have never been subjected to the depressingly drab cubicles that were once ubiquitous in workspaces across America. And while I certainly have never needed a ping pong table or free-flowing kombucha to keep me motivated at work, there are a few creature comforts that make the workday all the more enjoyable.

My home office boasts a faux sheepskin rug that I keep draped over my office chair for added comfort. Beyond that, I like my accessories to match and bring me a spark of aesthetic pleasure when I use them. Function and form fit my space best.

And for times when I’m on the road, my top priority is crafting a comfortable spot on the fly. There are a few easy ways to achieve this that almost any space can accommodate. I always make sure to keep a cute, seasonal candle in my bag when I’m traveling and I even take my current vision board with me for an added boost of inspiration. From there, so long as my trusty notebook and pens are within reach, I’m a happy worker. Oh, and I’m never without my favorite mug.

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6. Set and Communicate Clear Boundaries

Setting boundaries is one of the best things you can do to maintain a productive flow. Whether it’s with a partner, family members, roommates, or kids, let them know when you need to be left alone for either deep work or meetings. I’d recommend communicating this verbally to start. Then, if available, go to a separate room with the door closed for an added physical boundary.

Along with taking regular breaks throughout the day, it’s important to let your coworkers know when you’ll need to hop offline and when they shouldn’t expect a response from you. We all have lives beyond our work. While we’re thankfully in a place where most people understand that, they can’t respect your boundaries if they don’t know what you need.

7. Make Time for Movement

I’m a strong believer that working out shouldn’t be overwhelming. Personally, I’ve noticed that when I seek out the forms of movement that feel good, I’m more likely to commit. In fact, I’ve found movement to be one of the best resources for keeping my mental health in check and to help me steer clear of burnout.

Spend a little time reflecting on what supportive movement looks and feels like for you. Perhaps that’s a quick walk in the morning, afternoon, and evening to create natural breaks and bookends to your day. Or, maybe it’s pressing play to a yoga, pilates, or another online workout program that lets you tune in to your body. Whatever route you choose, ensure it’s one that honors your body, mind, and bandwidth. When you do this, movement can become the ultimate form of self-care.

8. Reduce Distractions

Notifications, countless tabs, household chores, and the allure of a YouTube rabbit hole. Remote workers know it well: when work and your personal life happen in the same place, it can be difficult to get any of it done. With a deadline looming—and dishes and laundry to be done—I prioritize the former and head to one of my favorite local coffee shops so I can sit down (earbuds in) and focus. Though work-from-home life saves us the interruptions from colleagues dropping by your desk, it’s important to keep other distractions at bay.

I set an alarm telling me that I have to focus on a certain task for that allotted period of time. When the time is up, I can look away, stretch my body, and yes—maybe check my inbox. It’s a helpful reminder that I can focus on anything for five minutes, and I’m always surprised by how much I get done during that time.

And if you didn’t perfect your work-from-home routine today? Don’t worry, tomorrow is a new opportunity for a productive, focused start.

This post was originally published on September 12, 2022, and has since been updated.